BSA204 W3 : Emu Script

I started writing a quick treatment/half script thing for what the opening scene of that Emu film might be, here's what i came up with: FADE IN: EXT. A girl is sitting by the corn field, the sun is low and she's driving toy cars up and down the slow rise and fall of the belly of an old hound. THE DAD IS YELLING FOR HIS SON, A YOUNGER SHEEP DOG RUNS OUT OF THE FIELD AND GREETS HIM, HE ACKNOWLEDGES THAT THIS DOG WAS WITH HIS SON AND ASKS IT WHERE HIS SON IS NOW HE GOES OVER TO HIS DAUGHTER AND ASK HER, HE WAS INSIDE THE CORN FIELD, HE DIDN'T COME OUT THE DAD GOES LOOKING, THE YOUNG DOG ACCOMPANIES HIM The girl keeps playing idly, one of her toy cars crash into the other, suddenly the dog sits up, it's ears pricked. The girl stops playing The dad is moving through the field calling the boy's name, it's time to come in he says, he looks tired. He tells the dog to find the boy, it is of no help to him He hears something moving among the stems and turns around, he asks the boy's name The girl is looking intently at the field, the camera is slowly zooming in on her and where she's looking, there's an eerie opening in the corn stems, it's completely dark in there. She doesn't move, just stares at the void Two silver shapes appear floating in the void, they look like eyes, the girl afraid to move says dad, voice stuck in her throat SUDDENLY the dog jumps up and starts barking, she screams and yells DAD! Tried to go for a horror thing, I think it works well. Feels like Signs to me.