I was thinking of shortening the story again, this time incorporating another script that I started writing when I tried changing the story:
Same two scenes, man goes home and shaves, experiences scare and researches condition, talks to ex-patient. Looks up things online, finds more information about demons, decides to kill the creature after next jump scare.
We start with a man who gets screwed over at work by his boss, he has a heart attack. Months later the man goes to the doctor and gets his case dismissed as a mental condition. He meets up with an ex-patient who experienced the same thing and the guy is too scared to do anything about it. He hires someone to do a seance and talks to the demon, who he learns is feeding off him. During the seance things escalate and he realizes he can physically harm the entity, he takes matters into his own hands and kills the demon.
This means that I can finish the story much earlier - don't have to go through heart attack and final battle scene. This cuts down the length but still provides a satisfying conclusion.
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