BSA 231 W12 : Attempt #412

I tried writing something new, it's a simpler idea that could be shot in a night, taking some inspiration from Taika's short with the kids that was nominated for an Oscar, two cars, on night or something like that. Here is what I did, also actually wrote some of a script, only worked on this for like forty minutes but I hate it nonetheless, it didn't come out like I wanted, it's not efficient and needs a lot of work, it's also not even close to done (got sidetracked; too long) - don't have time now will work on later:

A man walks down an alley, passing two drunks - he has a piece of paper telling him where to go. He is told by an older man what he's supposed to do - just watch the back of the club for any dodgy individuals, there is a rival gang who might decide to cause trouble tonight. He is also introduced to the man's nephew, who he belittles.

The nephew is given a gun if need be, told he hopes he can use it. The first thing the nephew does is play around with the gun, to which the main character gets nervous.

The nephew is very insecure and makes up for it by talking himself up, the main character wants to be on the other side of the door - with the successful people. Throughout the film they discuss what they want and that they should do more big heist things.

First thing he does is show off and talk himself up a bit, trying to gain the high ground, the main character makes a remark about how his uncle treated him and he becomes more hostile.

The main character asks him about his uncle, the guy tells him his occupation, the main character expresses his interest in being on the other side of the door.

The other day I did a pack up job for strawberry sound, I got there a bit earlier than I thought I would, the party inside was still going and I very clearly remember standing alone outside the large garage door at midnight, hearing the distant sounds of people enjoying themselves on the other side. All this to say that I thought this was quite a nice moment, however sad it might seem, and I thought that maybe I could use it for my short film - something which I am currently aiming to change to a much smaller scale in order to make it doable (hopefully within a day). 

So the story this time is set in the mood of that ten minutes or so I had the other night, combined with an idea I've been toying with and fitting to different stories of the New Zealand criminal underground. 

The idea here explores low ranking criminals, discussing similar to how we discuss film among ourselves, where they want to go in life and the problems they have with their current positions. I want it to be a comedy and commentary on how we always talk about doing cool things but never actually do.

Also talked to Josh about how one would steal the vehicles inside the transport museum - which would be a pretty cool heist. Want to incorporate this type of thing where the criminals discuss big dreams like we discuss what we want to see done in the film industry, things we'll and the characters will probably never do. 

EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT

Two men in suits drunkenly walk down the alley, a hand pops into frame - there is an address written on a piece of paper that the hand is holding. Noted below is scribbled "go around back"

The person holding the paper is a shabby looking young man, he looks at the paper and makes his way down the alley, passing the two drunks - who are leaning into each other and singing a sea shanty of some kind.

CUT TO:

EXT. GARAGE DOOR - NIGHT

There is an older man standing at a garage door, he has a suit as well, in the background a smaller figure huddles - another young man.

OLDER MAN

All you have to do is a keep a watch on this door, I'm putting you with my nephew - Clarence

(points to the young man standing behind him)

- you two keep an eye out and make sure no one gets in, thats it. You got that

The young man nods,

OLDER MAN

We're not expecting any trouble but there's the small chance the Reds might try something tonight and if they do it's only you two standing between them and a bloodbath inside

(turns to Clarence)

- now I'm going to give you a weapon but don't use it unless really fucking necessary is that understood?

Clarence holds the gun awkwardly in his hands, he nods, his shoulders are pressed back and he's trying to stand straight:

CLARENCE

Yes of course

OLDER MAN

Don't give me lip son, do you even know how to use that fucking thing?

2.

Clarence holds the gun limply in his hand

CLARENCE

The fuck you take me for?

OLDER MAN

Shut the fuck up, look at how your holding that thing, you look like a 12 year old girl

(He takes his hand roughly and twists)

Like that you fucking numbnut

Clarence winces

OLDER MAN

That's how a man holds a revolver, firmly not like a sissy

The young man looks down at the ground while this is happening

CLARENCE

Yeah I know how to hold a gun and it's not a revolver--

OLDER MAN

What the fuck did you just say

CLARENCE

I said it's not a revolver...it, it's a pistol - there's a difference

The OLDER MAN gives CLARENCE a smack over the head

OLDER MAN

What did I say about giving me lip boy, shut up and keep your eyes peeled

(Turns to the young man)

Goes twice for you because you have to keep an eye on my idiot of a nephew as well, you good to do that

YOUNG MAN

Yeah

The OLDER MAN heads inside leaving the boys in the cold night, the party inside is lively but feels far away in the night air

3.

CLARENCE starts spinning the gun around his finger like in a western, THE YOUNG MAN eyes it suspiciously

CLARENCE

The OLD MAN can't tell the difference between a revolver and a pistol, he talks big but can't even spot the fucking difference - you know my dad has a revolver, real nice one too - 8 rounds, gold plated...

The YOUNG MAN is silent, he just looks cautiously at the spinning handgun, CLARENCE almost drops the gun

YOUNG MAN

You sure you should have that out in the open like that

(A pause)

CLARENCE observes the YOUNG MAN for a second

CLARENCE

You afraid of a little gun?

YOUNG MAN

Not really, I just don't think it's a very good idea to have it displayed like that for everyone to see

CLARENCE

Why not?

YOUNG MAN

I don't know, it takes away like the element of surpirse

CLARENCE

Yeah? It's a fucking gun, I'm not trying to shank someone, what "element of surprise", put your cunt away DAVID

DAVID

Okay, well maybe you shouldn't play with it like that then

CLARENCE

I can do whatever I bloody well please, Why the fuck not

4.

DAVID

Because your gonna fuck it up and hurt someone probably yourself

There's a lot of work to do in terms of additional writing and what's here needs to be funnier, but don't have time now. I want much more than what's here and the script is becoming too long too quick, this was supposed to be a very short intro.